Senioritis

There’s something cruel about making the most difficult part of a student’s academic career the classes towards the very end.

I have no motivation.  My soul contains the sort of tiredness that only comes from being incessantly busy at things that you don’t truly enjoy.
Kenneth Josephson: Untitled (88-4-235) - from the series Books , 1988 ...:

I should be doing homework right now.  I should have been doing homework since I finished cleaning the kitchen up from dinner.  Instead, I wasted nearly an hour on Facebook and Buzzfeed (doing what? I hardly know) and now I’m here.

This is a great read for getting some peace of mind in stressful moments.  Re-reading that list, I know I didn’t hit nearly enough of those points today, not even the hydration one.

Things have just been chaotic and weird everywhere lately.

I like some routine.  I like some normalcy.  Also, this is a rough time of the year for me (winter) no matter what is going on. Bleh.

What do you do to regain motivation, or even just a moment of peace during stressful times?

Thoughts Swimming in My Brain

About social media.

Keyboard, notebook & coffee. Photography inside the cafe.:

Lately, and by lately I mean increasingly over the past year and a half (ish) I have felt my disdain for almost all forms of social media growing into flat hatred.  And because I am an INFJ, when I “hate” something, I simply cut it out.  I see no point in continuing to use something which causes me stress and which I’m not really happy with.  I have enough to stress about already.

In particular, Facebook. I do not like Facebook.  And I think the longer I use Facebook the clearer the reasons for my dislike become.  Here’s some bullet points on why that is:

  1. People are fake.
    People consciously choose what they want the world to see and try to structure this idealized version of what they think people will like and what they wish their life was really like.  The irony is, if they don’t do this then
  2. They overshare.
    And this probably seems like a contradiction,  but this is how my little brain sees it.  People are either very selective and attempt to create all kinds of fronts, or they do literally share almost EVERYTHING, including arguments with people (awkward) and how many pies they’ve made that month (don’t care).  If they don’t do this, then they
  3. Simply share generic content.
    This is where I tend to fall.  I do not necessarily want my entire personal life online for others to view and critique.  I’m a very private person, and to be honest, I liked the internet much, much better when everyone was anonymous.  Does anyone else long for those days?  So, I often find myself sharing the latest recipe or a funny cat picture, but why do I need Facebook for that? I don’t.
  4. No one really seems to communicate.
    I cannot say that I have actually gained one single friend from Facebook.  Facebook itself has not really improved my relationship with anyone. The people I was friends with I am friends with still.  The acquaintances are acquaintances still.  The people I don’t really like but for some reason I have on there, well yeah, those relationships are the same too.
  5. You have ZERO privacy. NONE. NADA.
    Some people will think this is an over-reaction, but the more I learn about things like data mining as a business student, the more Facebook freaks me out.  There is no reason FB needs so much personal information about everyone which it stores forever, not to mention the platform application function, which means that even when Facebook is not spying on you, it is.

This also relates to point one: other people can see everything you do on Facebook.  Someone who used to be a friendly acquaintance has in past year become a non-friendly acquaintance.  She’s distant when I see her irl to the point of being nearly rude, and I cannot think of what I would have done to deserve the sudden change in treatment.  Except…we have different political views, and for a while I “liked” a certain presidential candidate’s stuff on FB.  Is that it? I have no idea. This is what I’ve come up with in my speculation.

6. It’s such a huge waste of time.
This depresses me.  Sometimes I’ll intend to just “check something real quick” on Facebook only to have it turn into about 70-80 minutes of nothing.  I can’t even recall what I did for all that time.  That freaks me out, too.  I wasn’t making my life better.  There’s not even any quality entertainment on FB.  It doesn’t make me feel happier, in fact it usually stresses me out because I can’t afford to waste 70 to 80 minutes in mindlessness.

 

There are so many better things I could be doing besides nothing on Facebook.  I could be actually conversing with another human being.  I could be tackling one of the many things I have on my mental to-do list.  I could photographing stuff, because that does make me happy and can be useful.  I never feel like time spent taking photographs is time wasted. I could be doing homework, because I always have that. I could be playing the Sims, which is at least fun.  I could even write a blog post in that time.

7. People play games with their “friends”
Like the co-worker who ignored the first friend request I sent her, then sent me one about six months later from her business account (you can look at my stuff, and it makes your business look better, but I can’t see your stuff?), then finally from her personal account, only to put me on “restricted” (one can tell).  Why bother? Seriously, if we’re just going to be co-workers and not friends, do not waste my damn time.  This further allows people to be “fake” by filtering what people see, making the whole thing this weird charade of popularity games.  Also, do not pretend to be my friend if you’re going to play games like that.  I like to know where I stand with people, and I have no patience for people who are engaged in constant impression management.

 

So, I want to cut Facebook out.  I want to get rid of it.  Some people treat Facebook as a necessary evil.  But is it truly?  I fail to see the necessity of it anymore.

The sad thing is, there are people that I only communicate with via Facebook.  I’ve actually asked people to email me or call me but they continue to insist on using Facebook, even when I have asked them not to.  I imagine that these people would be upset if I deleted my account, but also not upset enough to find another way to communicate with me.  And that also bothers me.  There’s also that fomo.  I don’t want to be totally “out of the loop” when it comes people’s lives…but, why should I let this social media platform passive-aggressively effect my happiness?  It’s weird.

And I’m not sure what to do about it.

It’s not a self-help blog

But I want to write about some self-improvement goals.  Because lol, y not?

I’ll keep it short.  Because it’s after 11:00 p.m. and I have to work tomorrow.

And by the way, these are all centered around just that — work.

1.Going into work fully prepared.

Meaning makeup, hair etc. if fully put together.  Even though literally only one person sees me for the first 20 minutes I’m at work. fashion blog for professional women new york city street style work wear:

See this, my friends? This is #goals.  By the way, other than models, have you ever seen a well-dressed woman look unhappy?  I don’t think it’s a frequent occurrence.

Look at that smug confidence.  And why not?

2. Keeping Calm.  It’s not that I’m not calm.  At least, I hope I am, but I am afraid that I am not.  Sometimes I am very calm when others would be very tense, terse, or stressed.  But still. I think there’s some room for improvement here.

3. Choosing my words and tone more carefully.

I know I need to work on this.  I think this is the sad reality that comes from being a very genuine, sincere, honest human being.  Some environments just are not meant for the level of honesty and openness that I would prefer.  It’s not all about me, and I know that.  I also have a particular issue with points two and three because lately, I have felt frequently like some of my innate, core values have been violated.  And that is not good, especially for me.  Some people seem to be able to disconnect from that, but for me, it doesn’t work that way.  I cannot go quietly into the night if someone treads on one of my values, such as integrity.  I do not handle that well and I do not know if I would like myself if I did handle it well.

Does that make sense?  No?  I strongly suspect this blog post will make very little sense to anyone but me.

But, to continue on point three, I know need to watch my language and tone.  It must be done.  All I can control is myself, and I cannot let unfortunate and hopefully very temporary circumstances degrade me professionally.

Add some clarity to your day with a cup of Organo Gold’s delicious Red Tea.  This revitalizing tea blends the finest organic red tea leaves with two ingredients long revered in China— Cordyceps militaris and our signature organic Ganoderma lucidum. Refreshing, uplifting and positively balancing. For more information visit: http://pittsburghcoffee.myorganogold.com:

Coffee is the best coworker.

4. Staying positive.

I anticipate that this will be pretty difficult.  But I think it will be essentially to achieving points one through three.

And finally, to try and achieve these, particularly two through four, I will do the following:

Do my best to plan my time for the least possible interruptions

Remove all stressors that I can, and if need be, temporarily remove myself

Remember that all unpleasant things are temporary, but my reputation for how I handle things is forever

Recall that I have goals and am too determined to be derailed by a few beacons of slacking negativity. That’s actually pretty descriptive.

It’s January 2nd

And therefore I’m late in saying so, but Happy New Year!

I’d like to say my resolutions aren’t cheesy, but they kind of are.  I want to eat better and take care of my health, which will be difficult once I go back to work and the semester starts again, and I want to be a more patient driver.

I have my work cut out for me.

I think we take socks for granted They are always there when we are feeling lonely or sad, or freezing in the snow. Socks are our best friends, they listen.:

Do you have any resolutions, or is there anything that you’re looking forward to this year?

Advice from an INFJ

If you don’t know anything about Myers-Briggs, and you have no idea what I’m talking about, it’s worth taking a little time to educate yourself for your own advantage.  But if you’d rather not do that before reading this post, I’ll give you the TL;DR version of my personality type, the INFJ.

We’re the most rare type.  We’re insightful af.

Here’s my advice to the tender souls of the world:

  1. Believe people when they show you who they are.
  2. Don’t trust people who manipulate and lie.  If they do it once, they’ll do it forever.
  3. People who have multiple Facebook accounts have something to hide.  This is always the truth.
  4. Life is not fair.
  5. People who over-explain where they were and what they’ve been doing are probably lying.  Some of you will know what I mean.
  6. Some things are untouchable by humans, like the stars.  So remember that no matter how messed up the world is, there are still things which exist untainted.
  7. If you’re alive you can do good in the world, if you choose to.  So stay alive so you can do something nice for a person, animal, or even plant tomorrow.  And the day after.
  8. Life is what you make of it.  Not what other people give you.
  9. There are worse things in life than getting a messed up coffee order.  Like dealing with someone whose coffee order you messed up.
  10. Stand up for your self.  But if you have to continually stand up for yourself to the same people, change your circles.
  11. You’re allowed to be happy.  If someone has a problem with that, say goodbye to them.
  12. There are far worse things in life than being single.
  13. If they’re your friend but you’re not their friend, say goodbye.
  14. It’s okay to say “no” to things you don’t feel like doing.  But try something new once in a while.  You discovered all your favorite things when you tried them for the first time, while they were still new.
  15. Other people struggle with the same stuff you do.  Your problems are not really unique.
  16. You don’t have to worry about remembering what you’ve told people if you’re truthful.
  17. Learn who you are before you try to discover who someone else is.
  18. Don’t be a spiteful, vengeful ex.  Jealousy and bitterness look good on no one, and you’re ruining your chances of finding a new, healthy relationship.
  19. Likewise, don’t get into a relationship with such a person.
  20. If someone’s story doesn’t add up it’s because something is missing from the equation: the truth.
  21. Spend less time on Facebook.
  22. Spend more time outside in nature.  Nature is the best.
  23. If you hurt it’s because it matters.
  24. Never take advice from someone who isn’t where you want to be.
  25. It’s never too late to accomplish something worthwhile.
  26. Today is definitely the best day to start working on your dreams.
  27. Don’t give up.

 

Courage to approve of one's self:

12 Kinds of Free Therapy

This blog post will contain all the things.  Bullet points, “hacks,” and cute animals.

(See how bad I am?  Even my blog posts have abstracts.  Thanks, college.)  

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been raining for over a week, and although today is Wednesday it looks like it will be raining until next Wednesday, or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been browsing the internet somewhat mindlessly for hours…or maybe it’s that I’ve been somewhat down for the past few days (I do hold the rain at least partially responsible).  Either way, some combination of events has inspired me to create this list.

Every time you wake up ask yourself "What good things am I going to do today?" Remember that when the sun goes down at sunset, it will take a part of your life with it. —Native American proverb

If you’re looking for a way to feel a bit better, this list is for you.

10 Kinds of Free Therapy

1. Clean something.

Maybe the sound of that doesn’t thrill you.  But cleaning can help take your mind off of stressful events by allowing you to focus on tasks in the moment, and it rejuvenates your environment which is good for you, and your guests.  So consider this a two-for-one.  I clean when I’m stressed, angry, bored, and happy, and no matter what my mood is when I start it always improves.  When you’ve cleaned something, you have made a positive impact on the world, and accomplished something.

Home decor inspiration designed with a minimalist aesthetic.

2. Get Sunshine.

The weather blues are a real thing.  Simply lacking Vitamin D makes you depressed.  Although getting some sun is at times easier to say than do, even 20 minutes can make a difference.  One way I get more sun is by eating lunch outside when the weather permits, with at least some sunlight actually touching my skin.  If you have time, you might try drinking your morning coffee outside, or doing a hobby activity outside that you normally do indoors.

Nature has some downright magical properties.

pretty pictures photography nature - Google Search

3.  Move Your Body.

If you recoiled from your computer screen because it seems like I’m suggesting you exercise, relax.  I’m not suggesting you do anything crazy, and nothing that requires expensive clothing and equipment.

Just move.  This can happen in combination with points 1 and 2, or by itself.  One way I like to keep myself moving and prevent myself from spending too many hours sitting in one spot is by dancing to music played through iHeartRadio, or YouTube.  But, there is also something that can be said for getting dressed up and going to a gym, yoga studio (is that what they’re called?  I think that’s it…) or dance floor.  You’re worth that effort.  And it will make you feel better.

Bonus points if you also sing.

Dancing Photography by Alexander Yakovlev | Cuded

4. Bring Some Music Into Your Life.

This goes well with point 3.  Find that music that inspires and uplifts you, and play it while you go about your daily tasks.

5.  Pet Animals.

Because bonding with animals is extremely similar to bonding with humans, the same feel-good happy hormones are released, and it de-stresses you and the animal.  And they’re soft and fluffy.  Even if you don’t have a pet chances are you have a friend with one, or you can volunteer at a local animal shelter to pet the cute, fuzzy animals.  Yes, that is a real thing you can volunteer for.

Look at that face....this is exactly why I have so many cats! Can't resist!

6.  Laugh.

Watch a funny movie, find a funny v-logger you like, or read a book with some whitty lines.  Either way, laughing makes you feel better.  I actually recommend the v-logger bit, because you can find people who honestly appreciate their “fans” and will respond to comments.  There are genuine people out there, and it allows you to build a relationship.

7. Do Good.

Since this list is all about the freebies, here are some free ways that you can “do good” and help others.  Giving back will improve your life, as well as the li(ves) of the pe(ople) you help.

  • Call your mum, grandma, grandpa, etc.
  • Clean or fix something for someone who does not have the phyiscal means to
  • Babysit a friend or relative’s kids (at no charge) to give them a break
  • Take part in a beautification project
  • Donate old clothes, toys, books, and those cans of weird foods in your cubbord that you will never actually eat, to charity
  • Give some thoughtful gifts

Kindness ~ It's always the right way

8. Cry.

Trust me, it’s not out of place.  Crying actually can make you feel better if you’re getting overwhelmed.  Cry, snuggle something, drink a class of cool water, take a nap, and then get up and do at least one of points 1-7.

9. Create something.

I will find an excuse to put this point on anything I can, but the fact of the matter is creating something allows you to focus on something, exercise your brain, get your hands dirty, and accomplish something.  You will create something that would not have existed without you.  I like writing things which bring happiness and joy to myself and others.

5 important reasons why you need to redesign your website for the mobile web

10.  Welcome Some Change

Not all change is bad, but change itself is inevitable.  I won’t say that you should learn to embrace change and life’s storms and lulls, even if that is good advice.  Instead I would say make some changes yourself, which creates a feeling of accomplishment and control.  If there’s something (healthy) you really want to do that you’ve been putting off, what are you waiting for?  Now may be the best time there ever is.

If those lines seem too grand in scale, try making small changes that you would like to see.  Even if it’s tossing out some old clothes or bedding you no longer care for, or styling your hair a different way.

If you want something you never had, You have to do something you've never done. #Chitrchatr #EarlySubscribersPromo

11. Word Hard at Something

Maybe you’re currently working hard at something and it’s stressing you out.  If it’s not ok to take a break from it, then go you! You can do it!  If the world won’t collapse if you take temporary break, find something else to work at.

Maybe it’s gardening.  Maybe it’s fixing something.  Maybe it’s dancing passionately.  But the key is to make effort, and be passionate.  I like gardening in particular because it requires my attention, I get to spend time outdoors (in the sunlight) and I can see rewards for my actions immediately and as they develop in the long term.

12. Learn Something New.

You don’t have to be in school or college to learn, and it doesn’t have to cost money.  There are thousands of good tutorials online which will teach you how to do almost anything.  There are books available at your local library, for free, containing knowledge untold.  Learn a craft, a language, or a practial skill such as how to change the oil on your car (why not? people do it).  Gaining knowledge can help you feel indendpent, self-sufficient, and will enable you to give back to others.

Susan Tuttle Photography//

In summary, I would say the key to mood boosts, at least for me, is making some sort of impact on my environment or body.  Making it cleaner, healthier, friendly, or any of the above.  I wrote this list to remind myself of these things and also to share them with you, dear readers, because I think the key to life is learning how to smile, even if you can only hold it for a moment.

Life on the Internet, Body Image, and Self-Worth

Sometimes the questions are complicated but the answers are simple.... Often what we are searching for is right before our eyes. We just tend to look there last*

Let’s get right to it.

I, like most folks with internet access and a half decent connection speed, spend some amount of time online watching videos, reading articles, and just browsing social media. Websites like Buzzfeed, Facebook, and YouTube are geared towards providing entertainment in short, minutes-long format that’s easy to watch, process, and repeat, mindlessly, for hours.

Until one of those articles pop up.

And by that, I mean an article or video about body-types.

The writers generally seem to have good intentions, with the goal of improving the confidence of women of a particular body type or characteristic. Unfortunately, it seems that this is always done in an adversarial way, which results in one particular body type being put on a pedestal of some sort while others are condemned.

Fat is not a dirty word. Skinny is not a dirty word. Both body types create certain hardships for those who have them, and one is neither better nor worse in that respect. Yet it seems that about 99% of the time such an article is posted, it makes a point of critiquing people who don’t share that characteristic.

I could find an endless number of posts to illustrate this point, but this is my sacred blog space, and I will not purposely bring that negative hypocrisy here.

And it’s frustrating, as a woman, that we spend so much time belittling each other over things that whether through choice or helpless circumstance, matter not even one iota in the grand scheme of things. You’re fat? I don’t care. You’re skinny? I don’t care. You’re average? Guess what… I still don’t care.

And while I think that the body positive movement is a necessary thing, it needs to be done without ostracising any other women, or perpetuating double standards, which I have yet to see happen.

So that’s my current frustration. I think I’ll write a guide about self-esteem, but I’ll save that for a later post.

You’re _insert adjective here_?  I don’t care.

See you later, lovelies.

Psst.  That flower arrangement is a metaphor.

Summer Wants

So I’m double posting again today.  This is my summer wish-list which I dug up out of a previous blog post.

1. I want to go the beach, without a care for how long I’m there.  Just relax, have fun, and be on no one’s schedule but my own.

2. I want to take some sweet summer-themed pictures.  If this happens, I’ll share them here.

3. I want to go star-gazing.

4. I want to write some poetry again.

5. I want to make some jewelry again (I haven’t done this in about eight or nine years).

This beaded bracelet is made of an eclectic mix of beads as shown. Strung on memory wire. Has 6 layers. One size fits most.

I think I will make a goal to accomplish one of these a week, and I think I’ll start with number 5.  I will take pictures of the finished items accordingly, and share them here in a follow-up post.

Happy summer everyone!

Six More Credits

Friday was the last day of the semester for me, as all my assignments were completed and turned in.  Final grades have yet to be posted.  For those of you unfamiliar with the intimate details of my life, this past spring I took a full load of classes in addition to working full-time.  I also have a hub and two step-children.

Fearless – Les photographies envoutantes et surréalistes de Rosie Hardy

I was thoroughly exhausted for four months.  I managed to get straight A’s, but I felt as though my performance at work was just passable.  Normally I am a high performer in everything, to the best of my ability, but my efforts suffered due to the total drain that was the spring semester.

A mere week after spring ended, I begin a summer set of two compressed courses: an HR class and an internship.  So I was relaunched with little reprieve into more classwork, while doing 9 1/2 hour days at work (regular hours + internship).

And now I’m done, folks.  Six more credits gone.

I don’t know when exactly I first started feeling tired of college, but I know it was a while ago.  Three and a half academic years in, and a semester or two away from graduating, and all I can think about is “what next?”

I have never lived an adult life without college in it.  I was barely 19 when I started.  I have no idea what I will do with the time that will no longer be spent on classes and studying.  I had plenty of spare time as a teenager — too much, actually.  But, I can do adult things now.

That is not to say that I’ve been living as a child.  I have worked my entire college career, at times full-time hours, I pay my bills, and I have responsibilities to other people (my s-ks, especially).

summer camping

The point is, I have never been able to develop interests as an adult.  Part of the purpose of this blog is to help me find things that I enjoy which have nothing to do with a GPA.  I used to love writing, and after writing probably a over a million words (really) in the past few years, I wonder if I’ll be able to write for my own pleasure and entertainment again.

So far the answer is yes.  And now, I’m going to go back and re-read the post about what I wanted to do this summer, because for me summer is just starting.

I wonder what I’ll discover.

Sleeping In

I have a paper to write a little bit of running around to do, but it’s been a little bit since I’ve written a post so I wanted to share the first half of my day with you all, lovely, mysterious readers.

Adoration, appreciation, abundance, at ease, soft, gentle, loving, worthy, fulfilling, expansive, faithful, lasting, passionate, easy, source, warm, generous, taken care of, secure, lighthearted, fun, blissful, expansive, easy to be myself, Individual and relationship balance, passionate, authentic, comfortable, full, wholesome, joyful, peaceful, supportive, courteous, interestingSleeping in is one of the best feelings in the world, especially after a week of getting up early to go to work or class.  Especially if you had a lovely evening the day before.

*

It also helps to know that almost immediately upon waking, you can enjoy a nice cup of coffee.  It’s a potent combination.  So I wish you all well, and I hope to touch base with you very soon.  It’s been a long week, and I truly do have a lot to write about, but that includes an interview paper which I have fantastical dreams of finishing today.  Can I just be graduated already?  And also employed in my target organization?  That’d be cool.  Until then, here’s to coffee.

Keep it simple