More thoughts on social media, random thoughts, so many thoughts

Because why not.

Since getting back on FB after going a week without really using it, I’ve realized that I do definitely feel kind of down, depressed, however you want to word it after using it for a long period of time.  And I don’t like it.

So I’m not sure where to go from here, because I don’t want to get rid of it entirely because of like, ten people on there that I care about enough to hang around but I feel like I need to do something different.  I have enough to get me down in life without a website contributing to it.

My thoughts include keeping it down to like one or two days a week, or some thang like that.

Who knows.  I feel like I’ve done nothing worth-while all evening and it screws with my head.

But, let’s talk about something else.  Anything else.

 :

Spring break is coming up. I am mentally desperate for a break.  So much needless, senseless, and avoidable drama and BS happening at work right now.  Not my thing.
One of the most frustrating things is making an observation about an event, or someone’s behavior, and have no one else be able to understand it or get it.  Until later, when I am proven right.

This is part of the seeing through the masks thing... or noticing the lie thing... People thinking they have one up on me and learning too late they didn't. ❖:

This, eight hours a day, forty hours a week.  People be pissed because I point out issues, or point out the actual truth of a situation.  I keep multiple sides in mind and try to keep a balanced view of things, but others just don’t want to hear it.  The other thing is, I am very bad at accepting bs.  Like, excuse me, that’s so obviously NOT true, why are we all just going along like it IS true?  We’ve disproven that hypothesis.  We busted that myth.  The game is over.  Why are we still playing?  This is insanity.

That’s what I am learning, really.  No one wants to actually fix anything.  They just say they do. Here’s a short story:

Work
A true story, by the Pocket Poet

Person A: We’ll deal with any issues that come up.

Me: Points out concern.

Person A: I don’t think that’s an issue.  If it is, we’ll deal with it when it happens.

Person B: Just go along with it.  It’s not your job to figure it out.

Later: Thing blows up and causes major, but avoidable, problem.

Me: 

Person A: You can fix this, right?

:):

Yes, it’s yet another “negative”/snarky post.  It’s where I am right now, mentally.  Ugh.

Ugh, I say.

UGH.

And I’m not sure what to do about any of it. Any of it.

 

Personal Space, Respect, and Introverts

This might be another bitchy sounding blog post.  It’s not meant to be, but it’s not not meant to be, either.

Let’s start this notnot-a-bitchfest-blog with an open ended question:

What is up with people not respecting others’ personal space?

Situation:

I am at work. Working.  Doing what I am paid to do.  Staring intently at my computer, typing, switching back and forth between some spreadsheets and our enterprise software.  There are papers strewn all over my desk.  The office space is an open-layout, we’re not in cubicles.  An associate comes in, and unfortunately I am aware even though he says nothing that he is perturbed that I did not stop working to greet him as he passes by. He continues on and speaks to my co-worker for a few minutes, but on his way back out he stops by my desk. He’s not actually there to see me.  He doesn’t actually need anything business-related. I am working. He comments about the intensity of my activities. No shit, Sherlock.  He makes a joke about how I’m not smiling, and says I should smile. Maybe there’s a reason I’m not smiling, and maybe it’s none of your business.  Maybe I’m not some circus animal that’s supposed to rearrange my facial expression for the amusement and comfort of others.  I’m not here to entertain you. He makes another remark about me not smiling at him.

I laugh, like I’m not at all amused, and say, “Right. I’ll put you on my calendar.”  He looks surprised, but then leaves.

True story.  Sometimes, I can handle people who invade my space in this snarky way where people can’t tell if I’m joking or not.  Other times, they don’t relent and I physically leave the space, and attempt to avoid them in the future.

But I have to ask, why is it so hard for people to just respect people and leave them alone when they clearly want to be left alone?  Why is that such a difficult concept?

I blame this on extroverts.  I could also do a whole blog, or book, about how there’s a culture where loudness is somehow the norm, and even though extroverts are actually less than half of the population, when introverts are mentioned or discussed it’s almost always like they’re some freak psychological mishaps that need therapy to become more extroverted.

This is simply because the ones who speak are the ones who do not understand what it means to need silence.

Extroverts have a completely different modus operandi, and many of them seem to be incapable of grasping the concept that just because people are different does not mean that there is anything wrong with them or that they need to change.

Which brings me back to the point of this notnot-a-bitchfest-blog, why don’t people fall back on the idea of respecting others’ personal space?  What makes people think that they have the right anytime, anywhere, to essentially harass anyone until they give the desired response?  Where does this insane sense of entitlement come from?

In the words of the great philosopher, P!NK, I’m not here for your entertainment.

Now, I love me some extroverts.  Well, at least my sister Rachel who’s an ENFJ, and I’m not saying that as a whole they’re bad a lot.

But being an extrovert means that the person NEEDS contact with other people to feel happy and fulfilled.  Extroverts get their energy from social interaction.  Introverts lose their energy through social interaction.

And at times, I feel like my soul is literally being sucked out by the incessant noise.

Personal space and respect are not difficult concepts.  We teach these concepts to toddlers.  If I have my headphones on, am not making eye-contact, am not talking to you, am purposefully doing something, anything else other than interacting with you then what in hell makes it okay to keep poking at me with your social interaction, like I’m some performer meant to amuse you?  Why is it so difficult to simply leave me be and come back another time?

Extroverts seem to believe that people must actually be blind and deaf for someone not to acknowledge them.  This is seen by the repeated, awkward hand-waving in the air, repeated questions and statements, and increasing volume and physical proximity.

Seriously? We know you’re there.  Even Helen Keller would know.

Back to my work space again.  The office has an open layout.  At times, I love it.  At times, I hate it.  One extrovert in particular seems to take personal offense if I do not respond to her right away if she asks me something, work-related or not.  I could be on the phone, talking to someone else, just getting into the office in the morning, it doesn’t matter.  She sees her need to interact with me, as more important than me and whatever work I am doing.

There is nothing wrong or defective with me, or anyone else, who does not feel the need to constantly engage with other people.  I have enough of a brain in my head, and am enough of a human being all on my own that I do not need hourly, in-person social interaction to survive and feel complete.

And again, this is not a bash-all-extroverts blog post.  I’m simply bashing the lack of respect that some of them seem to have for other people.

I don’t understand noise simply for the sake of noise — meaningless, shallow, contrived.  Small-talk is a great name for itself.  Social interaction is like food for the soul, but small-talk is like chewing on cardboard.

ERROR 404: Social Energy Not Found

Sickness, Experiments, and Motivation

Sometimes, I think to myself that I really ought to have been a scientist.
I came near to being a scientist when I was a psychology major.  I sometimes wonder if I’ve lost my path in becoming a business major.

I will never not do experiments.  I am always experimenting in my own life: looking for better ways to do things, testing “what-ifs.” My current experiment involves Facebook, which I wrote my feelings about in some detail in a recent post.

I have been off, or at least mostly off, Facebook since Sunday.  Last week, I kept track of the amount of time I spent on Facebook in the evenings, at least as best as I could.  Here are the results of my control week:

02/14
3:00-3:20
4:35-4:50
02/15
6:20-7:35
8:06
8:20-10:00
02/16
8:14-8:44
02/17
8:28-8:39
02/19
6:10-6:45
2/20
9:28-

I apparently forgot to record my end time for the 20th. -.-  As you can see, the amount of time I spend on Facebook is probably much less than what other people do, but if the only “free” time I have in my life is in the evenings, do I really want to spend it on Facebook?

That’s part of the point of this experiment.  I’m an INFJ, so really, the point is about thirty points.  I have multiple reasons/justifications for pretty much everything I do.

I want to see how and if I use my time more constructively, and if I feel better over all.  I think in a way, Facebook contributes to my melancholy.

I’m also in a mental fog right now, and I have a feeling I could be getting very sick soon, like tomorrow soon.  Hopefully not, but today is not good feeling.

Back to my FB experiment.  I find myself compulsively going to my phone to check FB every time I’m out somewhere and not busy, and I have to catch myself.  I have allowed myself several times to simply login and see if I have any messages, and I used it tonight to view the about page for National Geographic for an assignment.  But, I have not scrolled through my newsfeed or checked my 101ish notifications.

So far, I’ve spent a lot more time on Pinterest.  I’m not sure how much better that is.  I think I have about the same amount of homework done.

As far as my motivation, it’s meh.  But I’ve realized that part of my scatter-brainedness at work has come from not making a list of things I need to do.  I sometimes seriously wonder if I have adhd, because I can have a very difficult time focusing.  A list keeps me visually and mentally grounded, and helps me remember things.  It is definitely important that I do that, especially when I have a lot to do and am not feeling well, or feeling discouraged (or both, like today).

I think I will end this here.  I am going to try to get several hours more sleep than usual tonight.

Here’s a picture of a parakeet in a hat.  Parakeets are amazing.

Budgies are Awesome:

 

Senioritis

There’s something cruel about making the most difficult part of a student’s academic career the classes towards the very end.

I have no motivation.  My soul contains the sort of tiredness that only comes from being incessantly busy at things that you don’t truly enjoy.
Kenneth Josephson: Untitled (88-4-235) - from the series Books , 1988 ...:

I should be doing homework right now.  I should have been doing homework since I finished cleaning the kitchen up from dinner.  Instead, I wasted nearly an hour on Facebook and Buzzfeed (doing what? I hardly know) and now I’m here.

This is a great read for getting some peace of mind in stressful moments.  Re-reading that list, I know I didn’t hit nearly enough of those points today, not even the hydration one.

Things have just been chaotic and weird everywhere lately.

I like some routine.  I like some normalcy.  Also, this is a rough time of the year for me (winter) no matter what is going on. Bleh.

What do you do to regain motivation, or even just a moment of peace during stressful times?

Thoughts Swimming in My Brain

About social media.

Keyboard, notebook & coffee. Photography inside the cafe.:

Lately, and by lately I mean increasingly over the past year and a half (ish) I have felt my disdain for almost all forms of social media growing into flat hatred.  And because I am an INFJ, when I “hate” something, I simply cut it out.  I see no point in continuing to use something which causes me stress and which I’m not really happy with.  I have enough to stress about already.

In particular, Facebook. I do not like Facebook.  And I think the longer I use Facebook the clearer the reasons for my dislike become.  Here’s some bullet points on why that is:

  1. People are fake.
    People consciously choose what they want the world to see and try to structure this idealized version of what they think people will like and what they wish their life was really like.  The irony is, if they don’t do this then
  2. They overshare.
    And this probably seems like a contradiction,  but this is how my little brain sees it.  People are either very selective and attempt to create all kinds of fronts, or they do literally share almost EVERYTHING, including arguments with people (awkward) and how many pies they’ve made that month (don’t care).  If they don’t do this, then they
  3. Simply share generic content.
    This is where I tend to fall.  I do not necessarily want my entire personal life online for others to view and critique.  I’m a very private person, and to be honest, I liked the internet much, much better when everyone was anonymous.  Does anyone else long for those days?  So, I often find myself sharing the latest recipe or a funny cat picture, but why do I need Facebook for that? I don’t.
  4. No one really seems to communicate.
    I cannot say that I have actually gained one single friend from Facebook.  Facebook itself has not really improved my relationship with anyone. The people I was friends with I am friends with still.  The acquaintances are acquaintances still.  The people I don’t really like but for some reason I have on there, well yeah, those relationships are the same too.
  5. You have ZERO privacy. NONE. NADA.
    Some people will think this is an over-reaction, but the more I learn about things like data mining as a business student, the more Facebook freaks me out.  There is no reason FB needs so much personal information about everyone which it stores forever, not to mention the platform application function, which means that even when Facebook is not spying on you, it is.

This also relates to point one: other people can see everything you do on Facebook.  Someone who used to be a friendly acquaintance has in past year become a non-friendly acquaintance.  She’s distant when I see her irl to the point of being nearly rude, and I cannot think of what I would have done to deserve the sudden change in treatment.  Except…we have different political views, and for a while I “liked” a certain presidential candidate’s stuff on FB.  Is that it? I have no idea. This is what I’ve come up with in my speculation.

6. It’s such a huge waste of time.
This depresses me.  Sometimes I’ll intend to just “check something real quick” on Facebook only to have it turn into about 70-80 minutes of nothing.  I can’t even recall what I did for all that time.  That freaks me out, too.  I wasn’t making my life better.  There’s not even any quality entertainment on FB.  It doesn’t make me feel happier, in fact it usually stresses me out because I can’t afford to waste 70 to 80 minutes in mindlessness.

 

There are so many better things I could be doing besides nothing on Facebook.  I could be actually conversing with another human being.  I could be tackling one of the many things I have on my mental to-do list.  I could photographing stuff, because that does make me happy and can be useful.  I never feel like time spent taking photographs is time wasted. I could be doing homework, because I always have that. I could be playing the Sims, which is at least fun.  I could even write a blog post in that time.

7. People play games with their “friends”
Like the co-worker who ignored the first friend request I sent her, then sent me one about six months later from her business account (you can look at my stuff, and it makes your business look better, but I can’t see your stuff?), then finally from her personal account, only to put me on “restricted” (one can tell).  Why bother? Seriously, if we’re just going to be co-workers and not friends, do not waste my damn time.  This further allows people to be “fake” by filtering what people see, making the whole thing this weird charade of popularity games.  Also, do not pretend to be my friend if you’re going to play games like that.  I like to know where I stand with people, and I have no patience for people who are engaged in constant impression management.

 

So, I want to cut Facebook out.  I want to get rid of it.  Some people treat Facebook as a necessary evil.  But is it truly?  I fail to see the necessity of it anymore.

The sad thing is, there are people that I only communicate with via Facebook.  I’ve actually asked people to email me or call me but they continue to insist on using Facebook, even when I have asked them not to.  I imagine that these people would be upset if I deleted my account, but also not upset enough to find another way to communicate with me.  And that also bothers me.  There’s also that fomo.  I don’t want to be totally “out of the loop” when it comes people’s lives…but, why should I let this social media platform passive-aggressively effect my happiness?  It’s weird.

And I’m not sure what to do about it.

It’s not a self-help blog

But I want to write about some self-improvement goals.  Because lol, y not?

I’ll keep it short.  Because it’s after 11:00 p.m. and I have to work tomorrow.

And by the way, these are all centered around just that — work.

1.Going into work fully prepared.

Meaning makeup, hair etc. if fully put together.  Even though literally only one person sees me for the first 20 minutes I’m at work. fashion blog for professional women new york city street style work wear:

See this, my friends? This is #goals.  By the way, other than models, have you ever seen a well-dressed woman look unhappy?  I don’t think it’s a frequent occurrence.

Look at that smug confidence.  And why not?

2. Keeping Calm.  It’s not that I’m not calm.  At least, I hope I am, but I am afraid that I am not.  Sometimes I am very calm when others would be very tense, terse, or stressed.  But still. I think there’s some room for improvement here.

3. Choosing my words and tone more carefully.

I know I need to work on this.  I think this is the sad reality that comes from being a very genuine, sincere, honest human being.  Some environments just are not meant for the level of honesty and openness that I would prefer.  It’s not all about me, and I know that.  I also have a particular issue with points two and three because lately, I have felt frequently like some of my innate, core values have been violated.  And that is not good, especially for me.  Some people seem to be able to disconnect from that, but for me, it doesn’t work that way.  I cannot go quietly into the night if someone treads on one of my values, such as integrity.  I do not handle that well and I do not know if I would like myself if I did handle it well.

Does that make sense?  No?  I strongly suspect this blog post will make very little sense to anyone but me.

But, to continue on point three, I know need to watch my language and tone.  It must be done.  All I can control is myself, and I cannot let unfortunate and hopefully very temporary circumstances degrade me professionally.

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Coffee is the best coworker.

4. Staying positive.

I anticipate that this will be pretty difficult.  But I think it will be essentially to achieving points one through three.

And finally, to try and achieve these, particularly two through four, I will do the following:

Do my best to plan my time for the least possible interruptions

Remove all stressors that I can, and if need be, temporarily remove myself

Remember that all unpleasant things are temporary, but my reputation for how I handle things is forever

Recall that I have goals and am too determined to be derailed by a few beacons of slacking negativity. That’s actually pretty descriptive.

It’s January 2nd

And therefore I’m late in saying so, but Happy New Year!

I’d like to say my resolutions aren’t cheesy, but they kind of are.  I want to eat better and take care of my health, which will be difficult once I go back to work and the semester starts again, and I want to be a more patient driver.

I have my work cut out for me.

I think we take socks for granted They are always there when we are feeling lonely or sad, or freezing in the snow. Socks are our best friends, they listen.:

Do you have any resolutions, or is there anything that you’re looking forward to this year?